Emptiness

From time-to-time, I feel a heaviness upon me. If I think about it or try to analyze it long enough, I can come up with reasons for the emptiness I feel.

I remember the first time I struggled with this. To the best of my recollection, I was at the shallow end of my teens. I felt an emptiness; a sadness insufficient for tears, but pervasive enough to seize my continued attention. There seemed to be no cause, which puzzled me. I put myself to the task of identifying its cause.

To my surprise, it was difficult to identify any particular event or condition I could attribute to my emotional state. Furious with my apparent failure, I relentlessly pursued possible candidates. None seemed to measure up. As the years passed, I grew more adept at this practice until it became automatic.

Now, when the feeling comes upon me, I can identify with certainty its external cause.

As I learned more about my condition as a human, specifically about my propensity to blame and judge, I saw that my adept analysis only served to deny my role in the creation of this emptiness in my life.

Now the problem was compounded. The blaming and judging was only a sedative that numbed the sadness. It took the edge off by allowing me to celebrate my role as a victim. In this place I could wallow in thoughts of not being clever enough, generous enough, wise enough... or I could stew in my righteous anger of being wronged. Actions and behavior borne from these places mostly dug the hole deeper.

In my journey of discovery, I heard and believed again and again how blaming and judging served only to destroy my own life, and contribute to the same cycle in the lives with which I became involved. The lesson became trite and banal, degenerating into rhetoric.

Another focus of my wonder centered upon my role as creator. I wondered how I as a tiny human shared the attributes of my Mother/Father Creator. The notion that Mother/Father Creator is wrapped up in this act relentlessly, extravagantly, lavishly, joyfully, and in loving abandon is one that resonated with me deeply. It brought a celebratory experience to my contemplation, and gratitude that I was created by such Being.

The conversation concerning the "failure" of the global economy gives fear easy ground. This territory colors all human interaction. All of the sudden, home repairs, utility bills, saving, retirement planning became competitors. A feeling of emptiness arises, and the blaming and judging starts.

Having a deeper appreciation of the impact of my own judgment (thus fearing it) took on a new futility. Now I was empty, judging, and fearing my propensity to judge, becoming angry and adding to my fear potential actions driven by my emotions. In contemplation, abandoning my fear, judgment, and anger, I was left only with the emptiness.

The emptiness, I saw was motivating me to do SOMETHING. But what?

AH! CREATE!!

With one profound Ah Hah! my perspective seemed to fall in place.

In a waking vision back in 1992, I was elevated to a place I can only describe pure joy and sorrow. I was surprised that I could be feeling both of these emotions simultaneously. As I joined in spirit with those around me, my heart soared in the privilege of that intimately Divine connection. It also entered into a deep sorrow for all of their struggle and pain. It celebrated their humanity as they cried for my struggle and pain. It was the extravagant experience of Union.

As I recalled this experience, I realized that the emptiness is omnipresent, and represents not something "gone wrong", but the thirst for Creation. Emptiness is the Holy Void at the center of the Vortex of Divine Creation. With this realization, a Peace came that did not dispel the emptiness, rather transformed it into Love. From this place of profound Nothingness is where creation begins.

Anoint it. Savor it. And rise from it in the timeless act of creating your dreams, for it represents your thirst for their manifestation!